-So i leave for paris, france in two days! (pretty much terrified!) leaving from chicago on Friday

-My last day on my job was last friday. felt mighty weird leaving that place. I've worked at provideo the longest of any job and it was actually a nice crew of people, insanely busy and hard to manage sometimes, but there were more good days than bad.

-i went to the princeton club the other day and managed to swing a one week free membership to "try out the club" all the while i'm thinking to myself..."ha suckers i'm going to europe in a week i'm not joining your club i'm just using you"

-i've been working out redunculously lots this whole week (last ditch effort to lose that lingering 1/2" on my hips)

-getting my legs waxed on thursday...never had it done before...kinda nerveous about the pain.

-had a very unhelpful meeting at the rock on saturday but i got to see hailey, courtney and julie. In fact Shaun and I went to grab lunch with hailey and julie and it was wonderful.

-went to see one last ivory show before i leave the country, so on saturday i made the treck up to appleton with shaun to catch their show at copper rock. driving past oshkosh i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about swinging in to say hello to nick. And the drive past oshkosh to appleton reminded me so much of all those countless trips to green bay to see luke when i was 19. All in all that drive holds so many memories it was sort of surreal

-there are still a million things i need to do before i go to paris that i haven't even begun to think about

-i'm going to hang with ivory in the studio a little more before i go...probably today maybe tomorrow too

-Riley was in town for a week or so and me, being a complete failure, i managed to miss the local concert that he came all the way back from colorado for. so a day late and a dollar short i sent him a (myspace) message saying that i missed him and asking if he was still in town and explaining how the celly number i had for him didn't work and how i really hoped i could still see him. So on monday my first official day of un-employment Riley called me as i was walking down state street and asked where i was...stating that he had just dropped by my office to suprise me and take me to lunch and i wasn't there. (how SWEET is that!!!???) Anyway he and i managed to see each other for 2ish hours in the late afternoon and i took him to the airport. It was nice to see him, i've missed him so much! He's one of maybe 2 other people that just get me. The kind of friend where even after months apart when you get together everything's the same, it's like it's right where you left it. And he just let's me be me no questions asked and no judgment. Anyway i walked him up to the security check point, gave him a hug and a kiss goodbye, and proceeded home. I found myself crying on my ride home because i was so happy i had gotten to see him and yet so sad to see him go, there had been a smile plastered on my face from the second i saw him and he gave me a spinning bear-hug hello. Needless to say i've been in my usual "I miss my riley" funk for a couple days now. I love that boy so much

-Gonna get together with elycia today at some point and take pictures for my brittney because she asked for them and that's all she had to do.

-and now i'm off to the gym again (though maybe i shouldn't because i can't feel my legs)

1 - What make of phone do you have?
LG VX3200

2 - What's the last 4 digits of your mobile number?
9627

3 - What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
"I meant to tell you that i saw spill canvas and thought of you." (from Brittney)

4 - Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Mark Roethke

5 - Who's the last person you rang?
My Mom

6 - Who was your last missed call from?
Home .::shrugs::. don't know what it was about it was days ago

7 - Who's the 2nd person who comes up under E?
Elycia

8 - what does the oldest message in your inbox say?
"Yes for realsies" (from Shaun)

9 - Who's the 3rd person who comes up under S?
Shaun

10 - Go to your Sent Items - what does the 5th message say?
***I don't have a "sent items" of any kind*** but i bet i can figure it out from my inbox....It fell between "I wish i could be there too baby. Catch my up on what i've missed with you?" and "Both...i love emails but i love that beatiful voice too." (both of those being from Brittney) So the fifth to last text i sent was definately to Brittney and probably said something along the lines of "Sure, do you want me to e-mail you or would you like me to call you sometime this week"

11 - Who's the 4th person who comes up under C?
Claire Secrest (I've never called her ever)

12 - Who is your service provider?
Verizon

13 - How many messages are currently in your inbox?
34

14 - What do you have as your background?
Martinis

15 - Who's the 1st person who comes up under R?
Rachel

16 - Who do you have on speed dial 3?
Speed dial 3 is empty

17 - If you're on Pay As You Go, how much credit do you have?
n/a

18 - Who's the first person who comes up under C?
Carly Sorenson (also have never ever called her)

19 - How many bars of signal do you currently have?
3

21 - Who is the 7th person who comes up under J?
Jennifer Gonzales (went to IMTA with her in 2004)

22 - What does the 3rd message say in your inbox?
"I wont. You have a marvelous day. I love you tons!" (from Brittney)

23 - Who is the 1st person under K?
Karen Dankmeyer

24 - Who was your last incoming call from?
Shaun

25- what is your screen saver?
Black/blank/none

...it fucking pours!

Alright so this entry has been a long time coming but i just can't put it off anymore too much has happened! Anyway for those of you who don't know I'm going to Paris, France on May 26th for a European model showcase. Now this would be all well and good if i actually had the money to make it happen. Lately my money leaves my hands in mass quantities before i even get to touch it. Here's the ever so stressful break down:

Got back from L.A. with about $2,000 worth of misc. expenses from that trip
Then I got my cell phone bill with the roaming charges from when i was in L.A. $386
A huge medical bill came through $947
A photoshoot $500
I ended up OWING the government money on my taxes, so kiss that $835 goodbye
I need to shell out $600 every two weeks for Paris (3 times so far)
Got sick went to the doctor again that's another $236
My car broke $500
My car got rearended in the lot while at the shop and fucked up my rear bumper $455 (fighting with the shop to get it fixed because i think they're liable due to the fact they had full possesion of my car at the time and there is no clause warning the consumer of a lack of liablity for theft or damage)
Found out i forgot to book my hotel----broke down and cried 'cause i missed the deadline, managed to score a room $300 a night!!!
Bought my plane ticket $1,088
And my car even after the $500 of work on the engine was never successfully fixed...just got back from the shop and it's going to be another $1,300 because my catalytic converter is shot.


So to be truthful over $10,000 in expenses all fell on me at the same fucking time and i'm beyond broke, my life savings gone, and i'm so stressed i'm on my second period of the month not more than a week after the first period! Plus i'm still not skinny enough that agents in paris will even take a second look at me i still need to lose another 1/2"-1" on my hips that's about 10 lbs! I'm going insane! I'm a mess and life blows i just can't seem to catch a fucking break it's one thing after another and this god damn paris trip had damn well better be worth it our i'll have completely broken myself for nothing!


I'm done now, back to your regularly scheduled program.

a very quotable snippet from a conversation with my buddy steve.

VU SteveII: you're a strange hybrid of elegance and animal

...and not my insane boredom ( some of my favorite albums )

I'm feeling oh so fragile and am unsure of what move to make and how it will be received (that last phone call was painful and in truth i cried myself to sleep that night) but I just want you to know that on nights like this I miss you so much it's hard to breathe!

I came back from lunch today to find this message from Brittney...

Brittney: hey doll baby
Brittney: i'm in a huge hurry i just wanted to tell you i love you.

I've had a long and horrendous week thus far and this just brightened my day and made my week! So sweet!

my friend reynante on deviant art made a post in his journal there that I found very touching and well written and worth a repost here.

"All throughout my life, I've thought of love as a bitter and mysterious mishap of humanity, a burden that corrupts the very well being of every person involved, a defiled idea of man... But one lady taught me that loving was not only about the wounds nor the tears shed but it is in making the right choices, the perfect decisions, and the unconditional sacrifices. If ever you fall down, learn to get up and continue. If there's something to be said, say it; if there's something to be done, do it; and if it wishes to be free, let it go.

Since I entered adolescence, I've been making tough decisions, and I always put myself above anything else. And now the time of my life has come where I have to decide on things which played a bitter part of my life, it's not for my own benefit... Letting go is a very difficuclt thing to do -- may it be an option or a mandatory move -- it's a stage of your life where you're given negative choices, whether to choose any of them is but a matter of attitude and emotion... More tragic than that, these choices come the least you expect them, you're situated on a location where one step would be a very big leap in reflection to its effects.

I've never felt this lonely before, this solitude that slowly devours my sanity. I've been crying so much, trying to figure out how to fix the pieces back into the place where they were before. The nearer I come the more it gets out of focus. And now I'm back to where I once was, the replica of me that existed in a world of shadows, with only my emotions as a tool of my survival... until then...

I kissed her goodbye...

Then everything flipped, wrong."

in 2005 ( DID YOU... )

also add to that gift list
+ one "merry christmas" text message from lubricated

.::blushing::. it was possibly the best thing to wake up to on christmas morning!!

XOXOXO

So here's a slightly greedy and childish entry! I wanna know what kinda haul you made this christmas! So tell me and we can all be like little kids together..te he he!

I got
+ Photoshop CS2
+ iPod Video 30GB
+ $200
+ PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives
+ Good Faeries Bad Faeries
+ Edward Scissorhands (thanks to Jen and her fam. I LOVE IT!)
+ A Calendar (365 day sudoku)
+ Bath Stuff
+ And a wonderful/awesome/special Custom Mix CD from my boy.


Now it's your turn....Spill!

You're a cynic. You have a witty, advanced, and
sometimes dry sense of humor. You can be very
moody and self-focused, but at your best you're
the life of the party and bring smiles to loved
ones through rough times.


Which Live Journal icon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well this past weekend was just lovely! Friday night I stayed in and was lazy and relished the thought of sleeping in on saturday. Saturday I slept until 10 ish, got up worked on a vector for a contest on deviant art, showered, went shopping with mom and thomas for tom's new glasses. Managed to score a new pair for me as well and they are quite fetching I must say! And then saturday night I had a long over-due girls night with Karen from work. We agreed to meet at the State just so I could see if I still knew anyone who worked there (several of my bartenders left). Turns out my friend Tim still tends so there was much catching up and tons of free booze. I'll admit I got pretty drunk. Slept until 11:30 on sunday (seeing as how I got home at 3:30am) then Jebus (Jon Nagel) came to visit me. We hung out and caught up, after which I rushed off to see a movie, King Kong, with my buddy Mike. The movie was pretty slow and very long I don't actually reccomend it but I had a nice time regardless. Then after the movie Nick came over and we watched a movie and snuggled and that just made my weekend. It felt all warm and fuzzy and happy and right. ::big grin:: And now it's monday and I'm waiting for my boy to come and take me to lunch and make a bright spot in my monday. Well there you have it for my really half-assed re-cap.



Oh and some senior member of deviantArt bought me a 3 month subscription so now I'm privey to tons of special features and the art geek in me is doing a little dance. If you haven't been to my deviantart page yet please do check it out and let me know what you think.

So here is my most recent adventure and how I started my day today...

Last night I got a flat tire on my way home from work. (Ironically earlier in the day I had scheduled my car for an appointment to get a tire rotation and wheel balance) Thankfully I was only about a block from work so in the pitch black dark I pulled into a dimmly lit parking lot and made an attempt to change to my spare. There was ice on the ground and the jack kept slipping...not safe! So after moving my car off of the ice (which it was tricky to find an iceless patch big enough). I changed to my spare, which I then found to be underinflated. Thankfully I work near several dealerships so I stopped in and they filled up my dinky little spare. (did I mention yet that it was only 4* outside and windy and I'd been struggling with my tire for 30 minutes) Once my spare was fully inflated I drove my car straight to the shop where it was scheduled for work and my mommy picked me up.

Are you following so far? 'Cause there's more. That's only the beginning.

So this morning my mom had to give me a ride to work because I'm car-less but she comes in really early so she dropped me off here at about 7:15am (which I usually get to work around 8). I got in and typed in my security code and walked away to start turning on lights. When I got back near the front I heard an annoying beeping (yeah can you see how good this is getting?) So I riffle through my wallet looking for where I had written my security code down and I couldn't find it...I must have thrown it out the last time I cleaned out my wallet! So I'm standing infront of this incessant alarm typing in any variation on my code that I can think of. Maybe I was short a digit or putting one number out of order or something! Then ADT called and asked if everything was alright....and I explained that yes I had just forgotten a digit so she asked me for the verbal password (verbal password? what verbal password?) I've worked here for 6 months and noone had ever even told me about it! Then she asked me for the emergency contacts and their phone numbers and I didn't have any of that either. So she kindly and sweetly said "ma'am everything you've told me this morning is incorrect, I'm calling the police now, have a nice day"

Not long after, the owner of the business we share the building with showed up and put in the correct code at his end of the building and disarmed the alarm. I made my way down to the other end of the building to thank him....only to find he was in the john...and then the cops pulled up. I invited the officer in and told him everything I've told you up to this point and all he did was smile and nod at me like I was a lunatic who had broken in! Eventually bob came out of the loo and I said "morning bob"...he walked out in the lobby to greet me only to find me there with a cop..."thanks for typing in the right code this morning bob" I said...to which he replied "did I type in the wrong code?" "no, no I did....over and over again" Bob then told the officer that I worked here and the officer went on his way and I was clear. .::sigh::. and that my dearies is how I started my day.

Nick and I have now been together for one whole month as of today! Gotta say it's been one of the best months I've had in a while! .::kisses for nick::.

And on another happy note I saw a rainbow in the shape of a ring around the sun this morning on my drive in. (That's the second time in a 3 month period) It made me grin from ear to ear! Simple pleasures for the easily amused.

so here I go filling out a dumb quiz...I'll spare you if you dont want to see it, but if you do then I recommend you ( click here )

So yesterday, much as i suspected it would be, was a very busy day at work. It was nuts, I hardly had a chance to stop and just breathe! And it seemed that, work wise, anything that could go wrong would yesterday. For example the 40 station dubs that I had to label (two labels each a face and a box label) were done early and out the door by noon...unheard of and obviously too good to be true. Then a little after 4 the client calls and says all 80 labels are wrong and requests I re-print and label everything! The labels were wrong because I used the info SHE gave me! And she studied the labels when she came and picked the tapes up at noon so why didn't she notice and mention it then!? I was so frustrated! Thankfully I had Nick to talk to all day and during my label re-printing...he keeps me calm and level. Anyway things continued to disintigrate more after that point and when I finally got on the road to go home I was seething. (as i often do on wednesdays) And just as I get half a block from work Riley calls to tell me a streetlight just burned out over his head and it made him worry about me. The call was very brief but I thought it was sweet that he called to check up on me. And it put a smile on my face for the remainder of the drive home. Then as I was pulling into my driveway Jon called to tell me streetlights had been burning out and it made him worry. I laughed and told him that I was fine and that someone else had called me for the same reason earlier.

In the evening I asked my mother to assist me in dying my hair (i had such bad roots). We ate dinner first and it was over dinner that she noticed the tattoo on behind my ear for the first time. I've had it for over a month and haven't been trying very hard to hide it. In fact for weeks I've been wearing my hair up and I swear I thought she already knew and just hadn't said anything. The rest of dinner was awkward and I explained to her. "Mom I wouldn't have asked you if you would help me with my hair if i thought for some reason that you didn't know about the tattoo yet. Because what time would be worse for you to find out then when you have your hands in my hair and a bottle of toxic chemicals in your hand to kill me with?" (she didn't laugh...but i thought it was funny). We moved past it and she helped me, after which I showered and actually styled my hair (haven't done that in what seems like forever). Then I played with my new grease eyeshadow/smudges while I waited for my friend Julia to call. She called around 9:00 and I finished my art shadow and then joined her for a Grandstand show at the slipper club. It was a little awkward seeing Jon (grandstand is jon's band) but it was only awkward because he was acting funny, he didn't know I was coming I guess. Anyway Julia and I had a grand old time drinking and catching up. The set was pretty good but started late and ended late-r. I stuck around after to have some drinks with the band and catch up with scotty (bassist). All in all it was fun and I was glad to have a night out.

When I got out to my car there was a dusting of snow on it, covering a thicker dusting of ice I might add. So I turned on my car and the defrosters and dug around looking for my damn scraper....which I later remembered was in the trunk. When I finally got my car all cleaned off I headed home and went under 30 mph most of the way because the roads were slick and the plows had obviously not been out yet. I made it home around 1:30 am attempted to remove my makeup (my eyelids are stained pink today) and brush my teeth then went straight to bed with a cat curled up at my side.

Then this morning more snow! And a block from home I managed to get stuck in the ditch on my way to work. It took quite a long time for the neighbors to start coming around to help but 30 minutes and 4 neighbor men later I was free. (i kept telling them forward was going to work better than reverse but they didn't listen to me until it was one of their ideas....::sigh::. men!!!) Tonight I'll have to write some thank you notes and I think I'll go appologize to the neighbor whose yard has big tire mess in. I hope I didn't do any damage to the lawn underneath.

What a way to start the day huh? Oh well I'm at work now and I'm fine and for now it's stopped snowing. And all things considered I'm actually in a very good mood.